Out of Time

Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each sensation a little bit stronger
Experience slips away
Time Stands Still — Rush

I can remember when I was 17-years-old going to my first and only Rush concert. It was for the The Hold Your Fire Tour.

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I had discovered Rush with the Grace Under Pressure record, and by the time I was 17, I was in love with the dystopian future foretold in 2112. I’ve since grown well away from that Randian vision of the world. But, when you’re that age, the idea of overbearing, authoritarian control, locking up all of the instruments of self-expression doesn’t seem too far out of reach. These days I guess it doesn’t seem too far out of reach either, but for wholly different and entirely more sinister reasons.

Anyway, as a kid the themes of “time” that Hold Your Fire dealt with held very little resonance for me. At that age, time was in my way. It was something to get past – not something to stay or slow. It’s a cruel trick of fate that it seems to take so long to get your life started, then once it starts, it runs away from you.

I was out walking around today with my iPod on random shuffle. “Time Stand Still” came on, and it just so perfectly captured my mood. I set the iPod to play through the entire Hold Your Fire record, and everything in it just felt like right now at this very moment. Well not the music – that’s still nostalgically locked in the late 80s, but the lyrics felt real in a way they never had before.

It’s funny. Peart would have been 34 when he started writing those songs. That’s just a couple of years older than I am now, so maybe it’s a time of life type of thing. I listen to those songs, and I’m struck by the idea that I need bigger goals. I’ve been walking in circles, covering ground I’ve already trampled under foot. It’s like I’ve paused to wait for something – maybe to collect my forces. In the comfort of resting, I forgot what I was waiting for. I’m still not sure which way to point myself, but I feel as though I’m cheating myself out of time I can ill afford to waste.